I never really liked Tori Spelling. Mainly because in second grade, this little douche named Elias Gonzales (illegal immigrant, duh) told me I looked like her. He was a dirty little whore, and she is too by association.

Only, this photo kind of makes up for my years of resentment because allegedly, Tori is a fan of the meat. Hot dogs, to be specific.

Tori, look at your face you coy little slutty home-wrecker, you. Your smirk tells me you may or may not be carrying Satan’s spawn inside of you - and that information is between you and him. Girlfriend, your ”wholesome pregnancy” is fooling no one.

But I’m willing to call a truce, since I can see that you love wieners. And in my mind, Donna Martin would totally approve of your enjoying meat that looks like male genitalia. She was a whore like that.

Love you, wiener breath.

Kitty