Dear Ed,
The price is wrong, bitch! Haha. Remember that line from Happy Gilmore!? Oh wait. That was in reference to Bob Barker. I always get you two confused with the announcer voice and the foundation and the orange self-tanner. Anyway, the price is still wrong, bitch!
So, I’m sorry about your mortgage troubles. I wanted to tell you […]

I’ve come to the conclusion that LaToya Jackson and Tila Tequila are long-lost sisters. Or lovers. You decide.
Observe:

1. Gorgeous natural hair
2. Whorish mouths and naturally gigantic tits
3. A love for dirty, fatty meat
4. Names that sound like something you’d do in a toilet after a long night of drinking.
Now that I think about it, Tila should hire LaToya […]

Angie, you dumb whore. I really do have complete and total disdain for you. Yet, for some reason, this photo has me mesmerised.

I fear that if I look dead into your eyes I’ll become a poor, defenseless, divorced actor with blond highlights; and then you’ll bite me in the neck and hypnotize me into planting my sperm in […]

Oh hi, Lily Allen. Welcome to 2008.
Lily. Girlfriend. You know I love you. I really didn’t want to have to do this. We kick it in my car, in the shower and on my iPod at the beach.
Which is why I’m confused that you’re choosing to smoke from the same bong as Blossom Russo and […]

Hola, Bitches.
To celebrate the beginning of a new week, here is a photo of “Jean-Claude Van Damm I’m Fine” stretching his meat on some balcony in a country that I probably can’t spell or pronounce.
Enjoy.
 
Hmm. Apparently he’s aged.
Well, to make your day just a little bit better please watch this little gem, my most favourite movie clip of […]

Poor Spencer. Were you confused when Heidi asked if you wanted to go watch the horse show?
You were all ready to stuff your bacon bills down some pony panties and make it rain, but instead ended up at the Kentucky Derby with Heidi watching fifteen of her closest siblings hoof it around a dirt track.

Oh well, good for you - at least you […]

Heather Locklear appears to be recovering nicely from Richie Sambora/David Spade/her last suicide attempt.
Here she is in Oahu on the set of her latest film:

Way to go, Heather! You’re really living the Melrose Place tagline: “Lying, cheating, stealing, seduction, backstabbing, betrayal, murder, and pounding man meat while surfing bacon…it’s just another day at Melrose Place.” Okay […]

Listen, PARIS. Not everyone likes a flat ass, like yours. I actually have to work to get my ass to look as good as it does.

I eat a lot of bacon, bitch.
Love,
Kim