Hola, Bitches.
To celebrate the beginning of a new week, here is a photo of “Jean-Claude Van Damm I’m Fine” stretching his meat on some balcony in a country that I probably can’t spell or pronounce.
Enjoy.
 
Hmm. Apparently he’s aged.
Well, to make your day just a little bit better please watch this little gem, my most favourite movie clip of […]

Big (vaginal) shocker, everyone!
Hugh Hefner cackled like a perverted old child rapist when he explained to the AP at this years PMOTYA (Playmate of the Year Awards, for all you monogamous LDS-ers) that he has no plans to marry current and longtime girlfriend Holly Madison.
Holly stood by with dollar signs in her eyes crying fake golden sperm tears.

Holly, […]

Hey Jenna,
Girlfriend. Nice makeup.

Looks like the morphing of you and Aubrey O’Day is almost complete.
Soon you will be united as one superpower vagina, ready to take over the world by spraying us in the face with your new “M By Mariah Carey” perfume. Then, when we’re laying paralyzed and helpless on the ground you’ll attack us with your swords of […]

Hey Bitches. What did you do this weekend?
Sounds fun. Oh, what did I do? Well, thanks for asking. Some girlfriends and I cooked up a Seder dinner in honor of Passover, which is ”ironic cool” because none of us are Jewish.
I took a few photos that I thought you guys might like to see, because they involve meat.
Before:
Peep […]

Hey, bitches. Happy Thursday.
I know I’m not the only one who gets Emily Rossum confused with Anne Hathaway.
In any event, here’s Annily Rossway at some press junket, looking hungry and very excited about a hot dog, beef cubes and meatballs.

Well somebody’s got to feed these poor girls some meat. They look starving. Her eyes are practically bugging […]

Linds. Girl. Did you know your dad is signing you up for the revival?
When talking today with InTouch about a mission trip he’s taking he said, “Our trip next February encompasses the issue of child sexual slavery in India. We also deal with helping AIDS victims. She has made it clear she definitely wants to […]

While Amber and I have made a soft-swear (kind of like soft porn, only sexier) to discuss politics, I saw this photo of Hilary and knew instantly that years of eating Bill’s hot dog coupled with a meatmarket of a campaign trail has caused more wrinkles than time should allow:

So, we gave her a day at the […]

Poor Jessica Alba.
She’s pregnant and really LOOKING PREGNANT and not in a good way. I know some women say they feel “beautiful” and then some women barf nonstop and look a queasy shade of greenish-gray all the time.
Something about Ms. Alba is reminiscent of pregnant Britney- big tent-shaped dresses, greasy hair, and shopping at “a […]

Dear Mischa,
Instead of doing your best Donna Martin meets Blossom Russo impersonation and pleading guilty to drunk driving, you should have plead guilty to wearing that hat. And that dress. With that purse. In 2008.

Please do us a favor: Next time you look at your (massive, I’m sure) wardrobe to decide what to wear for the […]

Oh HEY Clay! How’s it going?

Oh crap. Sorry. Didn’t mean to interrupt you while you’re enjoying some tasty MANicotti and meatBALLS.
xo,
Ambs

Heidi Montag has graced us with her presence once again, but this time with her own clothing line from AnchorBlue. It’s humbly titled, “Heidiwood.”
Observe Heidi’s first attempt at advertising said “line.” Looks like she got herself an awesome airbrusher and graphic designer:

Note the ironic bunny with ironic bling. The only bunny that I know who […]

Hey y’all.
Here at MeatBeat we’re firm believers in increasing our protein intake. And we’ll pretty much in-take it in any form, if you know what I’m saying. That being said, Amber and I are feeling all western and tingly inside lookin at this shot of RyRy.
So tingly, in fact, we threw on our best 4H […]